With everything crumbling to pieces by the cusp of the spring. The forced marriage, Denjirou's loathing, the constant surveillance, the final exams. Before I knew it - we were all marching towards our doom.
Everyone keeps telling to keep going, but what would be the point? If we fail, we due - if we succeed, we rot. They think that mockery of "comfort" is something a woman like me should strive for. As if I cared about that.
My parents didn't even allow me to live a spoiled life. I was forced to wear the skin of a peasant and now I'm punished for being one.
I loved Denjirou. I really did. However he - did not. He saw just like everyone else saw me. A clueless child that needs babysitting. Orders to follow by.
I hate this. I hate being robbed of freedom I deserved.
Still. If I am to leave this world, I want him to at least remember me. I insisted that he walked me back home. It was perfect that no one was home at this hour. That way no one will bother us.
Keeping the locket clenched in my fists, we walk alongside each other in silence.
"We've been over this. Graduation is not a death sentence. You gotta prep for the exams. You've been neglecting your studies for a long while - I'm surprised that your parents didn't yell your ear off at this."
"......... Sure."
I must keep my intentions hidden to the very end. If I lie too much, he will catch on to them. This is a rare chance to finally do something frivolously, away from everyone's gaze. If I screw this up, then I'll never be free.
"... It's been a while since we hung out like this. Back then it felt so natural, but now... It's as if we barely know each other."
"Mhm."
"... I am sorry Yukino, for what everything I said. Please understand that... I care about you. I only want you to be happy, and if it will no longer include me - then it's fine by me. I lashed out, hard. I simply couldn't stand the fact that before me stood a person affected by the actions of my parents - because that would mean... I simply didn't want to face the truth.
And, well, I was scared. After my folks passed it felt like I was living by a thread. I couldn't really afford to live on my own, let alone with you.
And now... I'm regretful. I only want to see you happy and live on without me. That man... He probably cherishes you too."
"..."
I know that Denjirou. I knew you lied that day. I knew you lied because you loved me.
But your love is tantamount to deep rooted hatred for me. Because you're just like them.
I thought I would finally see a man that sees me as an equal. The man that would spare no mercy on me. But it is that worry that disgusts me. You shouldn't have seen me as a damsel, no matter how much it was rooted in love.
That man... He might've loved me. But that's not the man I'm interested in. He's not the kind of person I love. You were my only love.
And now I hardly find any reasons to continue to view you as such.
You were simply too weak. Or, perhaps it is me who succumbed to weakness. You did live through worse stuff than me.
But I can't deny my pain. Of being trapped in a cage. In a cage that deforms my body, turning me into a broken husk.
...
I couldn't look him in the eye. If I had, he might've already put a stop to all of this. Do I want it or do I not want it? At this point I don't know. I'm too afraid.
"Well, we're here. Now please stop your tantrums and return back to reality."
"..."
As if I want to stay in it.
Not looking up, I place a locket in his palm. This is the last time I'll see him again.
"Goodbye."
It's time to write my farewell, cursing this cruel world.
...
...
...
It should be enough, right? It should be quick from what I've read.
It feels... Surreal to stand on a chair like this, with a noose in front of me. I'm almost scared to put it on. It's as if I'm waiting for a knight in shining armour to rescue me. To stop this nonsense.
And yet, no one is there. I've locked the gates and doors.
With palms sweating, I finally put it on. Now all that's left is to jump.
Well, it should be—KHHH...!!
IT HURTS!!!!
"Aah........... Aaaah.........."
GET ME OUT!!!!!! GET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
"................... ah................................. ah.........."
IT HURTS!!!!!!!! IT'S ALL BURNING AND NUMBING!!!!!!!!!!!
KHHHHH!!!!!!
OWW!!!!! MY BRAIN.....!!!!!!!!
PLEASE WHY CAN'T I GET IT OUT?!??!??!
PLEASE ANYBODY.......!!!!
I DON'T...........
I don't wanna...............
Ow............
Please..............
It's all............
Just..........
A.......
B.......... Ad........
D.....
Re........
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M...........
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WARNING!! This story depicts a graphic depiction of suicide - please proceed with caution