Ah... I'm dreaming again...
Oddly enough, after Sol came into my life, the frequency of dreams had decreased... At least the ones I'm aware of.
Maybe perhaps it's due to my desire to escape reality my dreams became a staple part of my life. I didn't have anyone to turn back towards. Sylvie... Mom... Mallow... Galhen... I didn't have anything to look forward to. At times, I wished the dream that I was having was the true reality, no matter how bizarre it was.
But now... I have Sol... And Carolyn with Cathy. These people... Care for me... They make me feel alive again.
Perhaps it's for that reason those dreams became less frequent. I want to embrace the reality, where they reside.
I have tried taking my own life multiple times, but that fear of mine just simply wouldn't allow me to even put in an effort to even harm myself. So I guess I was hoping that the sleep would take me away from it all - because that way... I'll be able to die peacefully.
But I no longer want to die. I don't want to see people I care about weeping for me. I saw Sol's face. She was holding back her tears. If it was her reaction towards complete strangers in her life... I can't imagine how she would react if I passed away. And Carolyn, in spite of being in a village that she is a complete stranger at: she treats the dead... It's caring as ever. And she already lost people dear to her. I don't want her to relive that pain ever again.
Even if I can't live for myself: I'll at least live for the others' sake.
"Meow?"
Huh? A cat?
~
"Sylvie-Sylvie, look! A kitten!"
"Meow."
"Eww! Get that thing away from me! Is this the reason why milk and meat was running out much quicker? If that's the case, shoo! We're already struggling to survive, we don't need another mouth to feed!"
"But Sylvie--!"
"I'm telling you, this for your own good. Good lord I found out about this first. Imagine what our dad will do if he finds out about this! Just saying, what he will do to that kitten will not be pretty. So don't make it an example for you and shoo it away!"
~
It's a black cat. Quite different from the grey kitten I was taking care of in the past. It's a dream after all, so might as well cuddle with it.
"Here-here, buddy. Purr~"
"Mrrp."
I always wanted to have a pet cat. There's... Something so charming about cats. Such capricious little creatures. Yet when they fully trust you... It's quite satisfying. They chose to trust you, unlike with dogs which are pre-made to trust you.
And they look infinitely more cuter than dogs.
"Hee-hee, kitty~"
It melts into my chest and I stand up. Despite my awareness, I can't really control dreams. I carry the cat across an uncertain field until we reach the flower field.
"Look! A flower field! Let's play together"
"Mya-ah!" The cat squeaked
The cat jumps off of my arms and here we play all day long, without a care Iin the world.
That is... Until in a blink of an eye, the field turns desolate and looking down, I'm covered in blood that isn't mine. The cat's skeleton is nearby, it seems that the corpse was long decomposed. I look up at the sky, only to see the moon and the sun rapidly changing.
Amidst this ever changing chaos I see a pale girl, reminiscent of Sol. I rush towards her, only for her to disappear the moment I try to grasp her and everything has turned black immediately.
"W-Wha?..."
It isn't my first time experiencing nightmares like that. And it's certainly not the last. Still, no matter what, I still find myself unnerved by them, regardless of their subject matter.
The image of Sylvie's disfigured body springs to mind. In spite of her body being inside a black bag... I saw some of it. I smelt its repugnant stench. And that bastard... He told me everything about what he was doing to her.
"Those screams and pleas for help... It was so satisfying to see her get back to her old terrified self. But I wonder if you'll scream more for me~?"
And that harrowing image of my mother's limp body, with Mallow being crushed underneath her.
No matter how much I try to convince myself that I've moved on from their passing; I can't help but think about them. It's not nearly as terrifying as it was the first time I saw their corpses, yet that memory of that first time is ingrained in me, wishing to haunt me forever.
And before me... Stand faceless figures of my family, judging me.
Before that, I promised myself that I would die and escape this madness - but never did.
Now...
"I... I want to live.
I want to live more than I fear death!...
I want to be a human again!"
Opening my eyes within a dream. I see an ornate longcase clock ticking rapidly. Remembering my skimming through Sylvie's encyclopedias, I realise that it might have something to do with the pendulum being too short.
Reaching out for the pendulum mechanism however...
---
"That bastard ain't making me money! Look at this! This is abysmal! What the hell is he doing?!"
"Indeed. That is quite disappointing."
"So... What do you have in your mind?"
"... I can lure a rogue adherent into the village. Sell him. This poor pathetic boy won't be needed anymore, might as well make him useful for once."